Category: Love


Break-Through an Open Heart

The word “heartbreak,” evokes tension and dread.

Who would consciously wish to lose a loved one, be rejected, or face the void that follows the loss of a love?

The thought of this kind of loss, and the pain that accompanies it is terrifying. And the thought of facing the inevitable void that follows the loss of a love is overwhelming. Yet, with all the complicated factors that contribute to relationships is today’s world, heartbreak at one time or another is virtually inevitable.

In response to the loss of a love, or anticipating a pending loss, many people shut down or tense up their hearts, trying to escape from the pain. Many people also self-medicate or anesthetize themselves with work, alcohol, drugs, compulsive internet use, or by jumping too quickly into a new relationship.

These are all ways to resist, suppress or numb out the deeper feelings in their broken hearts.

Sitting with the pain and fear of a broken heart takes great courage, and often, great support. Diving into the void is a hero’s journey, yet one we have few models for. We fear that leaping into the void will annihilate us, rather than taking a risk that is well worth taking if one truly wants to heal and grow from such a profound and impactful loss.

There’s the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and I think it really applies when a love is lost. We’ve all heard stories of people who’ve literally died of broken hearts. Like when a long-term partner leaves or dies, the remaining partner soon passes away. Yet, another far less visible response–one whose visibility would actually do much good, is to embrace the depth of the loss, and to come out more whole.

The image that illustrates this process for me is going through the eye of the needle by fire, and coming out the other side. It’s very scary to do it. Fire can burn us or even worse, take our lives. Yet, the fire can also purify us and burn away whatever layers we need to shed to grow and evolve.

Learning how to feel safe enough inside ourselves to go through the fire, to ride the rapids of our deepest feelings is a much needed, but sadly untaught skill. And learning how to slow down, to get grounded, to breath, to create more space in our bodies and hearts so that we can truly BE WITH our deepest feelings as they bubble up and ask to flow through us, is another too often untaught skill that is very important to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health.

I guess, when we are faced with enough loss, enough heart break, we are presented with sufficient opportunities to learn how to face and embrace this kind of pain and overwhelm, so we can grow deeper from it, and even transform the pain to open our hearts, rather than close them.

Sadly, or perhaps fortunately, I have been given many, many opportunities to go through heartbreak in my life. And I have come to realize that by fully embracing all the feelings that come with the loss–the pain, the anger, the fear of the void and the unknown, the lost hopes and dreams, the feelings of missing the loved one, the loss of sanctuary that a deep relationship brings, and the loss of soul deep connection in daily life–my heart breaks open and breaks through.

At times, I feel like I’ve been training, through no conscious choice of my own, for the emotional Olympics, building an emotional resilience I could have never imagined, until I found myself in the emotional embodying building gym again and again. Yet, having had the inner strength, having found the courage and learned many skills to go inside and ride the rapids, to feel the feelings that deep loss evokes, I have realize I now am stronger. And the pearl created inside this oyster is a much deeper compassion for myself, for my lost loved one, and for the others I encounter in my life.

I have learned to work really, really hard at putting myself in my lost loved one’s shoes, and try to imagine what might be going on inside them to step away from what was once understood to be a very mutual love. And even if I can’t understand it, I work very hard to embrace that this is just what my loved one has had to do. If I really love someone, I want the very best for them. And if the very best for them is to let them go, then to really love them is to let them go.

While this doesn’t make the process of loss any easier, in time, it has brought me a sense of peace–the kind of peace that comes with a sense of personal integrity, an integrity that comes with really embodying and living from my commitment to love.

I have learned to ask a loved one to give me the respect of having a process through which I can let go. The most painful thing for me is to just “cut something sacred off.” I know this can happen with sudden death. In the blink of an eye, a loved one is gone. This happened to me when my mentor of 17 years died of a heart attack a number of years ago. But short of a sudden death, there can be some time set aside to go through a transition time, where both people consciously move through and work with their final time together in the spirit of letting go.

This transition time can be imbued with love, appreciation and respect. I find it easier to let go with love, than any other way. I find it easier to curl up and hold and be held tight before being released into the world raw and new. Perhaps this is some of what it feels like to be a baby, moving through the birth canal in the journey to be born. In this sense, losing a love and breaking open the heart is a process of being reconstituted, of being reborn.

What I have certainly learned is that breaking through a broken heart is much better than the alternative, which is internalizing the tension that comes with fear, pain and loss, and holding it inside. Held tension creates stress and taxes the heart. If I am physically held, it is much easier to release the tension I am holding inside. Being held–physically and emotionally–allows the deepest feelings to move through. Loving touch or embrace can provide the comfort needed to release what is most deeply held.

If our loved one has the space to hear us in our pain, to hold us in their arms, to nurture our souls as we prepare for the final separation, the sanctuary of the love and connection that has been the good in the relationship can become the birth chamber, rather than the cold dark isolation of being cut off and rejected. Not everyone is brave enough to journey through this kind of passage. A loved one leaving may feel their own pain and fear, sometimes layered with guilt and even doubts if their leaving is really the noble or right solution.

Leaving a relationship from a place of full heart power takes as much courage as facing being left. How profoundly transformative it can be if two people hold each other close, mentally and emotionally put themselves in the other’s shoes, and literally have compassion for the two sides of this heartbreaking coin. Breaking open the broken heart with love brings a deeper connection with self, with one’s truth, and perhaps, ironically, with the loved one even as the separation process occurs. It allows the soul deep thread of love to continue, even as the relationship ends.

I would so much rather live with heart breakthrough than a broken heart!

~ Linda Marks | http://www.healingheartpower.comhttp://www.heartspacecafe.com/blog

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Beloved ones, it is true that I have said to you that it is time for the heart to encompass the ego, to encircle the ego with Love and to lift it into the Reality of God, so that which has believed itself separate can recognize, rather, that it is loved.

Love is the answer to every distress, including all of the distress of the ego mind.

And yet, I ask you more than anything to make the deep decision to shift to your heart, beloved ones, as the vehicle through which you live. The heart in you is the heart of your being which is the heart in Me at the center of Creation. Only in your true identity as that which expresses pure Love can you recognize that Love’s vibration transforms the vibration of separation or fear.

When your vibrational reality shifts, any other vibration is gone.

So the answer to every question of transforming your lives in the world is to shift to the heart, that you might be the magnetic presence that draws everything up into the vibration of Love, the vibration of the unified life of God that is your true Reality.

When your heart is the vehicle through which you live, the identity of the ego becomes, dear ones, only the play of Light and the movement of the patterns of Love, allowing you to co-create in the world in service.

The heart has no agenda other than giving Love. The shift to the heart is a shift in perspective that is hard to imagine through the vehicle of the ego mind. The ego mind sees itself as having moods for so many things, having desires, even the desire to go forth and serve as a human identity. All of these things become transparent to Love, and that which I Am, as It sparks in your being and goes forth to bless and to give, becomes that which is your only impetus and brings you feelings that are only ecstasy and joy.

You understand vibrational reality. You understand the Law of Resonance. The shift to the heart means the resonance of Love… Love, Light and the movement of God as it is expressed through you as the living heart of All That Is. The movement of your life ever comes from here, from this indescribable explosion of life that opens your heart on its own and rushes forth to continue to expand this Love and Light and to embrace every conscious expression of life everywhere the heart finds it.

To live life through the vehicle of the heart is to be the heart of Love that is constantly entraining everything into the hologram of Love’s perfection as the vibrational reality of All That Is, expressed here and now. This is the answer to every question. It does not preclude movement in the world but it means that you are open as an open heart in the realm of Love, allowing this wave of Creation’s joy to move you. With no impetus from anything of a vibration that is less than pure Love, you find yourself proceeding outward from Me, outward from the center of your being, of your heart… with absolute assurance of every step because of its vibration.

So the practice that I ask of you is to live in your heart and to make the decision to be there as much as it takes for it to become your reality, the vibrational experience of your life and the reality of your feelings as they become divine. From here, as the open heart of Love, as the conduit of the movement of life… from here shall be lifted up every expression of duality that still is manifesting or alive in your energy field.

These things that you pray for, that you work toward, that you choose on deeper levels again and again… let us now shift the venue from which you approach them so that vibrationally you are always above them and therefore can magnetize them “up” into the expression of Real Love, of your Love, dearest ones, as the heart of God I Am.

As you live through your heart, as this Love I Am moves forth as you, it gathers to itself the particles of Light, the substance of Love, to create that which is needed for its expression as the outreach of Love in the world. Ultimately you will find yourself experiencing that which is experienced by the Masters, by the ones who from the perspective of the ego mind, the dream of the world, you have ever and forever looked up to. You will find yourselves instead being so alive in the Ocean of Love that you too step forth only when called upon to be the expression of Love in the world that calls itself a human being.

But the “human being” who is called forth, who is asked of Love, is transparent except for the place where it touches the reality of the ego minds yet dreaming of a life that is separate from the whole of God. Therefore, you are real to them as an expression perhaps of ego…or that which is labeled the human being who appears to have a personality. In truth, your consciousness is ever held in the Real of Love, filled with upliftment, the outreach of which is perceived by the mind which has called it forth to serve as the reflection of its opening or its need and the vehicle of its awakening.

To understand that of which I speak you only need to shift to your heart continually with commitment until it does become your reality and your heart, then, will show you the meeting place where Love becomes visible to the little mind. You who are familiar with these realms of Light who can make the shift into the heart at times…to you in your experience when you encounter the Masters, you experience them, perhaps, as beings of Light… or simply as the experience of how they feel when they touch you in answer to your call.

But if you shift to their perspective and become the outreach of Love fully available to the world, then your heart will show you how Love appears to each and every human being. To some it is veiled by the ego and painted with the ego’s fear of Love. For others it might appear as a potential mate because this is what Love means to that mind. But all the while you are the emission of My heart, the never-ending flow, the outreach, dancing through the veil of the ego mind in order to touch every heart.

So it is time to let go of the perspective of the ego mind, of the human being…not that it is any way wrong and certainly it must be loved. But only because by the Law of Resonance, when you shift to your heart, Love takes over and the vibration of the Reality of Love is different from the vibration of duality. I Am asking you to make the decision to let go of the ways the ego holds you, that you might make this shift to the heart and be available as My outreach, as the glorious expression of this Love that can be the magnetic entrainment of all that perceives itself as separate from the whole of God.

When Love is present there is no duality. There is no ego, heart, us and God. There is only the expression of pure Love and in its presence, the vibration of the ego is simply lifted into Love to know itself as the vehicle of Love’s perfection and nothing else. It is the same analogy as the sun, in whose presence all shadows disappear. Whether you speak of the sun that is physical or the sun that is the blazing Light of God expressed — that which you know as the Christ — whichever sun you want to use, the result is the same. In the Light the shadows are gone. It is not because there is something wrong with them but simply because it is the law of nature. In the Light there is no darkness and in Love there is no duality. Thus, there is no vehicle of the ego.

And yet, beloved ones, it is “organic,” as you would say. There is nothing to be done to the mind. There is nothing to be held against the ego and in fact, you certainly can celebrate it. But when you make the shift to the heart, your experience of life is changed. The vibrational reality has shifted and oh, beloved ones, in the realms of feelings you have moved from the human to the divine.

So as you move now into this time of awakening, it is the most important call, this call to the heart, for it shall answer every question and make it effortless to become the vehicle of God I Am, the vehicle of Love’s outreach. Everything in your life that was resonating at a frequency lower than pure Love will simply be raised up by the Law of Resonance, by the power of the heart to entrain everything around it. Thus shall all discrepancy disappear. All perceptions of being less than perfect Love, all dreams of being the beleaguered human are of a different resonance than the heart’s life.

The shift to the heart is your focus and for many of you, this shift can be easy. It is only habit that keeps you in the little mind. There are only certain things that the ego uses to hook you, to keep you playing in the sandbox of separation. These are things that from the level of the little mind can seem difficult if not impossible to release. But when the heart is your reality…when the resonance of Love is your experience…such things will fall away just as easily as night gives way to dawn.

I Am asking you to live in your heart and to perceive through the heart every day…to give yourself over to Love and then to see where Love takes you. To do this it takes 100% and I understand that for a while, you might waver. But the more that you find you can experience the doorway of your heart wide open, the more Love can rush through you to bless, to uplift, to magnetize, to transform. Thus, it aligns you more deeply with your own Real identity and with the fullness of your expression as Love in a unique and powerful aspect, beautiful, filled with grace, and moving outward to be the vehicle of Love’s expansion, ever in communion with Me and ever alive as the vehicle of the whole of Love.

You become the expression of “both/and.” You become that which gives the gift of My presence through your open and transparent heart, beloved ones, and you are simply Love’s movement that lifts you and perceives from the center, from the Moment of Creation in great splendor, moving outward as you to be perfectly integrated with the whole in an experience of heart communion that literally communes with all life perfectly in the Now.

There are mysteries that are beyond the mind that are the direct infusion of the facets of God, one of which, beloved ones, is you. Each of you can recognize your own song, your own emission as this perfect stream of Light and Love, consciousness and heart. Let yourself lift up and expand. Let the call of this moment in the world be that which draws you into place in full heart communion, ever and always with Me and as Me with every precious one whose hearts are waiting to know all that Love truly is.

It is true, beloved ones, that saying… you can’t solve a problem from the level of the problem. You can’t shift out of the ego mind without moving to the level of the heart. As I have said to you before, the ego mind is simply a vehicle, a vibration, a choice. There is nothing wrong with it. It is loved. But you are made of something greater and I Am simply calling you to your truth as the heart of the living hologram, the heart of God I Am coming into its fullness in order to love the world free.

Source: | © 2006 ~ Circle of Light www.circleoflight.net

(From a Warrior in Transition)

I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior from the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the battlefields of yore.

When I opened my heart too wide, I was vulnerable to attack from warring factions. I was conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused, prepared for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others from attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge between our hearts. I am seeing this now and I am sorry.

I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by unresolved emotions that I did not have the tools to work through. I still lack many of these tools, but I am open to their emergence.

I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a warrior in enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the night, plundering and selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling back to the other side of the abyss with the spoils. I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the other side of the battlefield.

I now recognize that love is the antidote for the armoured warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven state.

I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and unshed tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could not see myself either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My mirror was a battlefield.

I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven tyrannies, my obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that accumulation would protect me and those close to me, but I failed to recognize that it just perpetuated the madness.

I also apologize for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own misguided ego, pumped up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn’t distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went much too far in the wrong direction.

I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from the heart. I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls along the heart-genital highway. But there were too many defences around my heart, and no bridge could form between our souls. There were moments when your loving ways freed me from my body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-fire. I am sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the path to God.

I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own congealed rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from friends. There are no words that can undo what I have done in those moments of madness. I know this, I do. I would hide my face in shame, but that won’t make things better. I need to own my misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to move from a more loving place. I call out to other male warriors to be accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in a way that is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the courage to do all he can to make amends over time.

I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship. You were right there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I was too attached to my individualism and afraid of this unknown terrain. I know the forests, the marketplace and the ways of the outer world so well, but my inner geography is foreign to me. You called me to a place I was ill-prepared to go, although I sensed, below the surface of my bravado, that you called me home.

I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in those rare moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were right- the real me lives inside of my heart- but a few moments now and then was the most I could handle. I saw you as dangerous, for in your presence I began to taste a surrendered way of being. Nonetheless, your faith in my goodness kept me going through many a battle, and restored my faith in life when I most needed it. You were the light at the end of a barbaric tunnel, and I am blessed.

I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I also understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now recognize that there is meaningful difference between a love-ship and a relationship. Love alone is not enough. Without a shared willingness to become conscious, there can only be frustration. I was so often impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a soldier clings to his weapons. I recognize the courage it took for you to keep your heart open in the presence of my resistance. You had every right to seek an authentic relationship, as your spirit was ignited in its presence. Your beautiful heart had every right to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for the time you gave me, a moments respite from the hiding places I mistakenly called home.

I am grateful for Grandmother, for no one saw my tenderness more clearly. I am grateful for Mother, for choosing to bring me into being and for nourishing my body until I could find my feet. I am grateful for Mother Earth, for grounding my expansion and enlivening my spirit. I am grateful for the Divine Mother, the real Mother of us all. I now feel her divine presence, so close. Fiercely compassionate, she was always right here, breathing life into me, holding me safe. I sit in her lap as she breathes me.

I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites relationship is two souls calling out to one another, two soul-hearts beating in the same direction, a whisper of longing that bridges one essence to another. I want to want you not because it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender identified, but that is essence sourced, loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to the genitals to the great beyond.  In this love-struck world, relationship will always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of our God-self.

I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in a harsh world. Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without the fragility. I am still wearing armor but there is a shift in the direction of my intensity. I can linger in the heart-space a little longer than I once could, I am softening in places. After so many lifetimes with weapon in hand, a tenderling warrior is being birthed in the core of my being. He is confused, but he intuitively knows that this is the way home.

Please don’t give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our misdeeds, or, at the least, be open to the possibility that we will change as the trail expands to meet our shifting intentionality. The day will come when our warrior spirit loses its harsh edge, and comes into alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are already there, and many more of us will follow. The road to transformation is dependent on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our differences with respect and kindness. That work must begin with healing the rifts along the gender continuum, working hard to heal the collective heart until one day we can stand on a bridge across forever, hands held together, hearts open and alight, embracing the sacred masculine and divine feminine living at the heart of us all. I will meet you there.

May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your heartfelt shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of the world, nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have nurtured. Those of us who have received your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love’s light.

Thank you.

~ © Jeff Brown | www.soulshaping.com

Emotional Honesty

The single biggest problem with most relationships is that there are too many people involved.

A romantic relationship is supposed to be two people in partnership sharing of who they are, sharing their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls with each other.

Anyone who has not done their emotional healing is bringing a plethora of people into any relationship they get involved in. Some of these people include: parents, siblings, relatives;  ministers, teachers, the junior high school bully; everyone that they have ever had a romantic relationship with; the Prince and Princess of fairy tales, the lyrics of songs, and the characters from books and movies. Just to think of how many ghosts are in the room, when two unconscious people are interacting, is mind boggling.

Anyone who is unconscious to how the people and events of their past have shaped who they are today, is incapable of being present in the now and having a healthy relationship. When we are reacting unconsciously to the emotional wounds and old tapes from our childhoods, we are being emotionally dishonest in the moment – we are mostly reacting to how we felt in a similar dynamic in the past, not clearly responding to what is happening in the present.

The single most important component in a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate.

We cannot communicate clearly when we are in reaction because we are not being emotionally honest with ourselves.

We all learned to see life and self from a dysfunctional perspective – from a perspective that taught us it was shameful to be bad or wrong. We learned to blame. Since the perspective of life which civilization is founded upon is black and white, right and wrong – we got the message that if we could not figure out how to blame someone else, then it must be our fault. Toxic shame is the feeling that I am somehow defective, that there is something wrong with who I am as a being. That feeling of being defective is so painful that we are willing to do almost anything to avoid sinking into that abyss of pain within.

So we blame someone or something outside of ourselves to protect our self. A dysfunctional civilization which teaches us to look outside for our self worth, also teaches us to look outside for a villain.

Codependence is an emotional defense system which tries to take ego credit for things that go the way we want them to, and blames someone else when they do not.

If a person has not been working on healing these emotional wounds, then any feedback will be felt as criticism – as being wrong or bad – and the persons defense system reacts by becoming defensive. The best defense is a good offense, as they say, so many times we go on the offensive pointing out where the other person is wrong or bad.  When confronted we blame. We either blame the other or we blame ourselves – in which case we sink into depression and despair, into alcohol, drugs, and food, etc.

This is the reason that most relationships turn into power struggles about who is right and who is wrong. Who has more right to feel victimized by the other. We come up with whatever justification and rationalization we can to deflect the blame from ourselves – as a way of self preservation.

These behaviors are not bad or shameful. They are the inevitable dynamic set up when two people, who have not healed their emotional wounds and changed their dysfunctional programming, interact. We are powerless over the dynamic until we start becoming co-creators of our life by healing the past so that it is not dictating our life today.

It is impossible to Truly hear what another person is saying when we are busy loading up the big guns for our counter attack. We cannot be present in the moment if our emotional defenses are triggered by what is happening now. And these triggers can be a tone of voice, a gesture (pointing a finger), a word or phrase, almost anything. When old wounds are gouged we are pulled out of the now into our feelings from the past.

Once we start learning how to recognize when we are reacting and being defensive, then we can start getting more emotionally honest – with our self and with others. When we learn how to intervene in our own process so that we are not living life in reaction to old wounds then we start being capable of having healthy emotional intimacy. When two people are both working on their healing there is a possibility of communication and emotional honesty.

The more we heal the past, the fewer people are intruding on our relationship in the moment. Those people – our parents or past romantic partners – will still be in our psyche but we will be conscious enough to recognize them when they start invading the now. Then we can communicate what we are learning about our self from our reactions to our partner and share our pain and fear and anger and sadness with her/him – that is True emotional intimacy.

~ Robert Burney | www.woundedsouls.com